This week has a been a pretty hard week around here. We are settling in fine; had a few parties, made some great memories. But life is not all sunshine and roses. There are bad times, too. It is a part of life – at least that’s what everyone keeps telling me – death is a part of life. Well, this week we are in the middle of the realities that sobering truth.
On Wednesday I arrived home after picking up the girls from school to a startled Great Blue Heron swooping up from the side of my pond. The girls and I ran to the pond to assess the damage. ALL the fish were gone – all my beautiful koi – gone. Later that night Sean said he found six tiny baby ones hiding in the reeds. They are still hiding. I’m not entirely convinced they are alive or even exist – the mind plays tricks, you know. Djeryd is livid (the fish are his responsibility) and wants me to let him buy a gun so he can shoot every heron he ever sees for the rest of his life. For the first 24 hours I found myself looking out my kitchen window sincerely wishing it was all just a bad dream – that my fishies would be swimming around, fat and happy and content. But it wasn’t a dream. It’s real. They’re dead and in some stupid bird’s belly.
So the fish were bad enough, but then, this morning Anna found our beloved cat dead in the pasture. Apparently she ingested some rat poison – we do not use any, but we have neighbors who must, and our little Coco had only recently become a mouser. Oh, the tears that have been shed this morning. This whole death thing - this whole raising our children in the country so they can learn the facts of life and build resiliency – yeah, that whole thing – I hate it. She was the best kitty. We all loved her so much. Everyone did. She was pure black and mellow and gorgeous and we loved her.
Anna cried all morning and I expect more tears after school. She’s at a field trip today so I’m hoping that has eased the blow a bit. I don’t think Alyx understands. Djeryd will be so angry when he finds out and I don’t know how to soften it for him. I’ve been a mess all week, so this just feels completely overwhelming. And Sean is hurting too. It’s all just so sad. And I know it’s just a little pet, not one of my children or anything, but it still hurts. I told Anna this morning we’ll see Coco again. She’s up in Heaven and we’ll get to be with her again. But right here and now . . . there’s a hole in our family.