In a former life (read: when I only had one child) I indulged in an absolute addiction to roses. Over the following seven years and three children that addiction proved too costly in both time and energy.
However, I feel my spirits reviving. Are roses in my future? (For all you garden snobs out there – yes, the pink ones are peonies.) Sean and I have created a new bed in the back yard to fill with roses and their friendliest companions. My problem is I doubt myself – my energy, my ability to water, feed, prune, maintain a twenty-foot long bed of these gorgeous blooms.
Do you ever worry about that? Do you ask yourself: “Should I really spend money on plants that I am not even sure I will actually get into the ground?” I want to raise my trowel-filled fist to the sky and scream “Yes, yes! I will do it this time! I will feed you! I will weed you! I will under-plant you! I will water you! Even if it kills me, I will do it for you. Because I want you to live, to thrive, to be the most amazing plant you could ever be!” But then I cast my eyes around the rest of my yard, at the shriveling hanging baskets, the weed-choked blueberry bushes, the un-staked and flopping delphiniums trying desperately to stand up, to look me scornfully in the eye and say, “You, you did this to me. You left me to be trampled, to die here in the middle of this parched piece of earth you call a flower bed. How dare you take the name ‘gardener’.”
It sends chills down my spine.
And so I am left with the question that I seem to face on a daily basis: Can I make a promise and keep it this time? Will I actually exercise today? Will I help my children say their prayers and read their scriptures tonight? Will I be patient today, no matter what happens? Will I clean up the breakfast dishes sometime before 7:00pm? Will I teach my children to work hard today (or just work at all)? Will I show my children they come first - before the house, before the yard, before the schedule? Will I sit down and figure out the kind of person I really want to be? Will I do it today, this morning? Will I ask too little of myself? Will I stop demanding so much of myself? Can I make a promise and keep it this time?
2 comments:
The thing about promises is that circumstances change. I think all we can do is try to be as Christlike as we can for this one moment, and then the next, until we end up with a day full of good moments (if we're very good that day). You make and keep the most important promises, the ones you've made with God and your family. Promises to rosebushes . . . meh. They are just plants, and there's almost always a way to revive plants, unless they are completely dead. I tore out a rosebush from my front bed, completely (roots and all). This summer, here it comes again. It's crazy!
MyLiege, it's so good to know that I'm not alone in the world. I don't know if it helps you at all, but I know exactly what you're talking about. Hang in there . . . and I'd say start with a couple of rose bushes advertised for their beauty and low-maintenance requirements, and use lots of weed-suppressing mulch. ;o)
Someday, I'll have a garden again . . .
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