Inevitably, after posting my Thirty Somethings post, blabbing on and on about how happy and centered I am, my tiny life began to crumble. I have had two very challenging weeks full of frustration, anger, and self-doubt (not to mention feeling like a total hypocrite for every word I said in that post). It is part of the ebb and flow of life. I know this.
I have a bit of an honesty complex, which means I could not simply let things lie with that last post about self-fulfillment. It would be a lie for any of you to think that I have my life all together or in control. I don't. I have good days, I even have great days; but they are balanced out by plenty of lousy days, or at least lousy moments in otherwise good days (I love the word "lousy" - it feels like such a 70's word to me). We all do. I know that.
I guess I just don't want anyone to think I'm perfect, not even myself. Because I can't live up to it. It's not me and it never has been. I think that too often I wind up lying to myself, pretending I'm perfect - because I get lucky enough to have a perfect moment here or there. Maybe my problem is that I attribute those perfect moments to myself, instead of to God. When I attribute them to myself I con myself into thinking that I can somehow make things perfect on my own, and then I fail - because I didn't do it on my own to begin with.
I'M NOT PERFECT!!!! I can even be a complete mess sometimes. Sean keeps telling me that nobody expects me to be perfect. Nobody even thinks I'm perfect. It's just me. Why am I so hard on myself? I would love to end this post with a nice little tidbit about finding "joy in the journey," and all that stuff, but it's not going to happen this time. You'll have to wait for another day. "Because tomorrow is another day!" (Sorry, I couldn't help myself - go Scarlett!)
3 years ago
4 comments:
Perfection comes a little at a time and in each season of our life, too.
The scriptures say, "And I, John, saw that he(meaning Jesus Christ) he received not of the fulness at the first, but received grace for grace;
"And he received not of the fulness at first, but continued from grace to grace, until he received a fulness;"
Hang in their MyLiege! We Love You and think you are doing a WONDERFUL JOB!!!!
I second that. No one is perfect except our Savoir, but you are still GREAT! Know that the lousey times "shall come to pass" and enjoy the perfect moments as they come from time to time. I'm preaching to myself here because sometimes we are too much alike. ;-) I'm sorry for the baggage I may have passed on to you. Thank you for who you are. You give me hope that I, too, can learn to be just me. I love you!
My dear sweet sister,
Even in your imperfections you are an inspiration to me. I look up to you and I always have. Hold to that rock of faith in your life. Everything else can wash away, but you can keep your faith in Christ, and He will bouy you up. He will put His arms around you and He will even carry you through your dark times. I love you!
Amen, amen, and amen.
It's awfully good, though, to have such a clear and confident record of what's good about being thirty-something. :o)
Hang in there. And do let me come and see you, will you? I feel cheated that you all moved away right when I thought I we were going to get to be good friends.
And I love "lousy". It's just so descriptive!
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